You Can’t Make This S**T Up

And now, a collection of short vignettes…

Every year my husband and I have a tradition, something we started doing when we were dating that he initially dragged me to nearly kicking and screaming but now I enjoy. Sing it with me…”gotta go to the auto show!” Yes, indeed, it was that time of year again for us to head to the Greater Twin Cities Auto Show, where we look at cars, sit in them and pretend to annoying floor folks that we might be interested in them. Once in a while we get lucky and get a smart one who knows we probably aren’t going to buy one, so we just chat instead, and if we are REALLY lucky, well, we get one like Ben.

I can’t even remember which dealership Ben was at, but my husband and I were looking at the rear space of the car and when he couldn’t get the cargo cover out, I got to show off a little when I figured it out. Of course, I had to gloat a tiny bit and say something lippy like “how do you like me now?” as I tried to figure out where to store the cover once off. It was about then that Ben came up and I think overheard us trying to figure it out, and we started chatting. He mentioned something about seeing weird things at the auto show, and of course I couldn’t let that go and asked him what the weirdest things were that he’s ever seen. Well…

If you ever want to start an interesting conversation, ask someone who travels around the country for their job what the strangest things are that they’ve seen.  It was crazy what he told us, even knowing it didn’t happen here. He said that he caught one couple trying to get lucky in one of the cars once. Seriously? Your idea of a romantic tryst is in a car, in a convention center with a couple thousand of your not-so-closest friends potentially watching? I know some folks get off on voyeurism, or on the thrill of possibly getting caught. That element of risk supposedly heightens something, or so I’ve heard. All I can say to that is “blech”. After hearing that story, I’m going to start washing the clothes I’ve worn there as soon as we’re home, and bringing a travel size hand sanitizer, because what if they WEREN’T caught first before they, um, well, you know…

It seems that not more than a month or two will go by and up pops another story online from one of Meghan Markle’s estranged family members, whining about how she’s so unfair to them and they just want to repair their relationship with her. They just can’t understand why she won’t speak to them. Really? Are you all really that stupid? (The answer from the Magic 8 Ball is “Signs Point to Yes”) You insist on conducting your business in public, when she doesn’t have any personal social media? Here’s a suggestion: Shut the hell up. Stop talking about her to any and all media outlets. You want to prove to her how sincere you are about repairing a relationship? Be quiet and wait it out, and maybe, just maybe, after a few years, she might believe you. Although honestly if it were me, I wouldn’t.

 

 

Speaking of the Magic 8 Ball, here’s some totally useless information for you to tuck away for one of those moments you just simply need to amaze, astound and confound folks. Did you know that the cube inside the ball is an icosahedron, floating in blue-dyed alcohol? That’s a 20-sided cube for you non-nerds out there. 10 of the answers are affirmative, 5 are non-committal and 5 are negative, according to its page on Wikipedia. That page also contains a complete list of all of the responses on those 20 sides, in case you feel like a trip back into your childhood

I noticed something a while back, another article about the entitled Kardashian klan that makes me want to shove bamboo under my fingernails. Kourtney was giving a video tour of her kids $100K technology free “playhouse” they had built for them. My immediate reaction was “what the…”? Spending that much money for a place your kids can’t/don’t bring phones, ipads, play stations, etc is ludicrous. Here’s a technology free playhouse for your kids, Kourtney, that doesn’t cost ANYTHING (I realize this is a new concept for you, but perhaps you could give it a try.) It’s called a backyard. It has trees, flowers, bugs, birds and all kinds of neat things in nature. And if yours doesn’t, perhaps try a public park. There’s your chuckle for the day, folks. A Kardashian in a public park. If that doesn’t bring you giggles, nothing will. 

 

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