There comes a time in the lives of many adults when they find themselves entering a very special club. It isn’t one you can purchase a membership in, nor is it one that you can apply for. I’ve learned it doesn’t discriminate between age, gender, or income/ socioeconomic strata, although there are certain factors that do come into play that determine whether or not you can be admitted to the club. I’m talking about the New Parts Club. I think I’m among the first of my friends to join this club, and while I’m typically fine being the female ‘leader of the pack’, I could have been content in last place this time around, but noooo….. Tomorrow I will be getting a hip replaced, and of course it sounds really boring when I say it like that, so I had decided last week to try to have a little fun with it, and told someone “my new parts were on order”. My brain being the warped and twisted little place it is, immediately came up with it’s own pictoral interpretation. So with all due respect to Jeff Anderson and all truly gifted cartoonists and illustrators, and to Diane Henders (imitation IS the sincerest form of flattery, and I promise you I won’t do it again soon, if ever!!) here is what it kind of looked like in my head:
I figured I would have better luck drawing it than bribing a real Fedex guy to pose for a photo op with me, so I could put a thought bubble like that over his head – or is it UPS that has no sense of humor? I forget. Doesn’t matter anyway. I’m to damn young for this, no matter how you slice it. I mean, aren’t hip replacements for old people?
I can remember when I was in nursing school, which was so long ago that sometimes it seems like it was in the Pleistocene Era, people were in the hospital for 4 or 5 days, had to have PT in the hospital using a walker, and if they had REALLY difficult procedures might even be on Stryker circle beds. Don’t even get me started on those flipping bedpans (although don’t worry, we didn’t actually flip bedpans, that would have been just plain wrong). Now it’s same day surgery, home on crutches and oh yes, my surgeon said, you’ll be putting weight on that new hip right away in the recovery room. Say what?!!!
I also stumbled on this wonderful little tidbit as well, and couldn’t pass up sharing it. So, for all my “Never Say Spy” peeps, and with a wink and a nod to Crimson Rainbow Butterfly, Beloved Blazing Universe, Blessed Star Freedom, Cosmic Rainbow Song, and most especially Starry Shining Poem…
See y’all under new warranty!
~Venus Rainbow Ocean 😉
Beth Younker 
Best wishes and good luck to you as you go through this. Your sense of humor should serve you well. Love the cartoons–both of them!
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Thanks Carrie, an artist I am not, but that image was just too funny to not try and create.
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I feel your pain, kiddo. I thought I was ‘way too young to join the ‘knee club,’ too, but fat lot of good that did. I’ve checked into the hierarchy of joint replacements. Hips are at the top of the list for ease of recovery. Knees are a moderately distant second, and whatever is third is ‘way down the line from there. If you gotta get a new joint in your bod, a hip is the best place to start.
I oughta know. I got a new knee two years ago. I’m saving the hips for when I get old. 🙂
All the best, kiddo!
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Almost forgot. Now that you’ve brought it up, my hippy name for my new moniker is Sick Monkey Blister. Or Feather Blazing Whisper.
I may have to rethink my whole internet identity. I was hoping at least for some thing cool like Sizzling Wombat Spleen. Or something sinister like Furtive Venereal Wisteria. But, noooo-o-o…
🙂
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You’ll have to blame that on Starry Shining Poem…perhaps we’ll have to beg for rewrites, haha!
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Bahahaha!!! ‘Furtive Venereal Wisteria’… dang, why didn’t I think of that?!?
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I loved your cartoon – much better than my stick people, and the ‘hippie replacement’ made me laugh out loud! Wishing you the best of luck with your surgery, and sending good thoughts to both you and your surgeon’s fingers!
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Thank you Diane, I think his fingers did what they were supposed to, the pain isn’t where it used to be…although when I’m moving it hurts enough in the muscles he moved, I’m not sure I could feel anything, anywhere else!
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Owie. I hope your pain comes under control soon, and that you have a speedy and uneventful recovery!
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Okay, update time. How’s your bod, kiddo?
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Well I never!!
LOL, Healing,albeit slowly. I moved from crutches to a cane on Friday, and was feeling so good I stopped taking pain medication, then learned why that was a tad premature. So in spite of the fact it makes me stupid and sleepy, I’m back on them, and put myself back on crutches on Sunday to rest (how apropos). Today is better, I was off to outpatient PT this morning which went well, and had my first shower today for which hubby is eternally grateful, I am SURE! But I am upright and walking, and that’s the important thing, and I’m sure I’ll keep improving every day. No signs of infections or other complications. Thank you for asking!
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Good new, then! Keep on crankin’, sista!
And just so you know, I never, either. 🙂
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haha!! I also put a link on the blog to Caring Bridge, which I’ve tried to keep updated as well. If you go out there and search for bethyounker, you can follow progress. I just didn’t want to “advertise” it too openly in the blog although it’s not secret either.
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